The Power of Vulnerability

How to Build Authentic Connections

What images come to mind when you hear the word “vulnerability”? For many, vulnerability evokes notions of weakness, helplessness, and being exposed to emotional pain. However, according to research by leaders in the social sciences like Dr. Brené Brown, vulnerability is the gateway to living, developing deeper human connections, and becoming the best version of ourselves. 

Rather than a sign of fragility, vulnerability signals strength, self-compassion, and a willingness to open ourselves to truly knowing and being known by others. Without vulnerability, relationships can become superficial, dishonest, and disconnected. By embracing vulnerability, we cultivate understanding, trust, and mutual support.

Why Is Vulnerability Important? The Foundations of Trust 

Before delving into how to use vulnerability, it’s essential to understand why it matters when building relationships. At its core, vulnerability establishes trust. By revealing our authentic selves, flaws and all, we show others we have nothing to hide. This allows others to take off their own “masks” and be genuine. 

Vulnerability transforms relationships through increased empathy. When we share things that make us feel exposed or insecure, whether in one-on-one interactions or with a larger group, we tap into people’s compassion. Expressing feelings like fear over a challenging situation at work or loneliness after a breakup allows others to connect through shared experiences. Realizing that no one is perfect or has life figured out can inspire incredible solidarity. 

You are embracing vulnerability signals that you’re dedicated to mutually supportive relationships where all parties uplift each other during times of struggle. This helps explain why leaders who reveal some vulnerabilities are more trustworthy than those who maintain a veneer of invulnerability – authenticity and approachability matter when inspiring others to follow your vision.

Stepping Into Vulnerability—Start Small  

Becoming meaningfully vulnerable rarely happens instantly. For many, it requires gradually testing their edges of comfort and building confidence over time. Where and how you open up depends largely on the existing foundation of trust in the relationship. 

For newer relationships or surface-level acquaintances, put small doses of vulnerability out there as you establish rapport. If collaborating on a project at work, you might mention feeling nervous about public speaking if you deliver a presentation together. In heavier moments during girls’ night cocktails, when friends mention going through a rough patch in dating or family struggles, you can open up about worries in your love life or an aging parent’s health. 

These small, selective vulnerabilities may seem trivial but go a long way towards strengthening mutual understanding and compassion. You also signal that you will be open when serious issues arise. In contrast, consistently playing things overly cool and put-together in these conversations can inadvertently give the impression that you’re closed off or emotionally aloof.

The Power of “I” Statements  

One key to making vulnerability work in both fledgling and established relationships is owning your feelings and perspectives. Communicating vulnerability does not mean blaming others for making you feel a certain way or dancing around the actual issue. Statements like “you make me feel unimportant when you don’t return my calls” or “people don’t think I’m competent enough in this job” keep the focus vague rather than authentic. 

Instead, lead courageously with “I” statements to show confidence and bring clarity. For instance:  

 “I feel insecure and worried about where we stand when you take over a day to return my calls and texts.”  

“While I know I have strengths, I also don’t want to over-promise to the team. I have moments where I still doubt if I’m competent enough in certain areas.”   

This phrasing comes from a place of honesty and self-acceptance rather than accusation. And it gives the other party clear insights into your mindset and feelings to address.

Asking for Support—An Underutilized Vulnerability 

Simply asking others for help or support can create an immense connection through vulnerability. Rarely will asking a co-worker to assist with a particular spreadsheet analysis or template make you seem incapable. It will likely initiate a shared problem-solving dynamic that both parties find rewarding. It also signals that you trust your colleague’s abilities enough to be comfortable asking. 

Don’t limit requests for support to tangible work tasks, either. As simple as asking friends if anyone has recommendations for an affordable moving company as you move apartments can lead to sharing other tips and building helpfulness. 

Letting your support system know about major life events where encouragement would feel supportive also nurtures vulnerability’s rewards. For example, sharing news of a health issue with close teammates makes receiving their ongoing positive energy more likely.

The Power of Storytelling 

Finding the courage to share life stories beyond our highlight reels can generate incredible resonance and connection, too. Professional speaker Mike Robbins focuses extensively on the benefits of bringing our whole selves to work. He frequently shares that the moments that ultimately built the deepest camaraderie and respect among his colleagues were when he revealed some of his most challenging personal and professional struggles. 

Everyone faces hard times, self-doubts, failures, and losses throughout their journeys. Yet, these significant parts of the human experience rarely get spotlighted in everyday conversation. Sharing your ups and downs relieves the pressure to pretend life is perfect and forges understanding about the very things that make all people vulnerable, including leaders. 

In Robbins’ case, opening up about low points increased his teammates’ loyalty and willingness to be vulnerable about their challenges. Rather than seeing him as weak, they saw him as human. The same holds true for celebrities who have impacted social change through opening up about mental health struggles or abusive relationships. Turning pain into purpose is transformational. 

Embracing Imperfection While Establishing Boundaries

Authentic vulnerability does not mean spilling your deepest wounds and inner turmoil to everyone. As with any growth area, consider what information truly needs to be shared to form meaningful connections and what remains best discussed with therapists or very close confidants. Know yourself well enough to recognize your tolerance for disclosure, too. 

While suppression serves no good purpose, unhealthy oversharing stems from a lack of boundaries and self-understanding rather than an expression of vulnerability itself. Move forward with embracing imperfection and self-compassion as you navigate how much to share. Remember that you always have agency over what personal aspects to reveal. Start small and give both yourself and trusted recipients time to adjust. 

Just as with a physical workout routine, regularly exercising (healthy) emotional vulnerability strengthens its power exponentially. The rewards it brings to home, work, and community relationships merit short-term uncertainty. Living with openness and compassion towards ourselves ultimately lets us do the same for others.